Home is Where the Heart is

I’ve always found loneliness to be a fascinating sensation. When you’re happy or sad or angry, you can generally pinpoint the source of your feelings. But loneliness seems to creep in unannounced in the night and by the time you wake up, it has already unpacked its things – like an unwanted guest that is bound to overstay its visit. Every day you wake up, lay in bed with eyes forced shut and hope that it’ll be gone when you open them. But alas, not today. Today you still find trashing your room; today it’ll still follow you to work and take up the seats next to you so of course you have to sit alone at lunch. Because loneliness breeds loneliness – when you’re filled with a sense of isolation and abandonment, you really just want to be alone. And even when you reluctantly surround yourself with people, you feel just like you do when you wake up in your cold bed in the morning. You can be on a perfect date with a really great guy, or locked in a passionate embrace with a stranger for the night – but in the end, you still feel alone. The paradox is particularly frustrating when being with another person actually makes you feel more alone. You seek out their company, but as soon as you leave, a flood overcomes you – and you realize that hour or two or ten will never be worth what you feel when it ends. But you can’t stop because you’re so tired of feeling alone. So no matter what you choose to do – become a recluse or seek out comfort – turns out that loneliness? Has nothing to do with being alone.
-Gal