Dead Baby Jokes

They Smell Like Him

Why is it that we're constantly drawn towards the people and things that give us pain? Whether it's unhealthy relationships, dangerous activities, or a high pressure life, we never stop to backtrack into safe territory. We cross the line between something that's secure to enter a forbidden area: we see the signs that say "Warning: High Voltage" but we enter anyways. Is it because we think we're stronger than those who came before us? We watch ourselves make the mistakes of our predecessors, but we constantly think that somehow, this time it'll be different. We'll make it different. Or maybe we're all masochists in a way - the pain starts to feel good once in a while when we forget what true misery is like. Does the suffering make us feel real? Or are we just searching for pain because that's the only way we can be sure to relate to the human experience? As REM already told us, everybody hurts: maybe we unconsciously put ourselves in vulnerable positions because we're programmed to try to act human - or at least like our version of it. Or maybe it's like that saying: Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop. We just happen to have a hard time stopping.

-Gal

Spacier Than an Astronaut

It's Been 13 Years

Puts a whole new spin on being hard.

-Gal

Good Riddance

Don't Look Down

Damaged Goods

Actually, we've found that even assholes won't fall in love with us.

Happy Anniversary

Surprise!

We'll Feast Like Kings

The Last Battle

Why do we have to wait for something like this to happen before we can get close to someone? While it's great that a crisis can bring two people together, why can't people have the foresight to express themselves before they feel an impending loss? If we forget to tell the people we love how we feel about them, we may find that when that long-anticipated crisis comes, it'll be too late. So don't wait to be cornered! Tell your mom you love her every night.

-Gal

I Need New Shoes

"I like doody." -Amy

Please

One Morning

And They Were Purple

Oh sure, it sounds like a ridiculous progression of conversation. But alas, many members of the male species seem to think that licking, among other actions, is a sign of virility - that we women quake and drop our panties at the thought of them touching other girls. Now, don't feel bad if you've made this mistake before: apparently all guys do this. But please, do feel bad if you don't take this opportunity to learn and correct your ways. You CAN just stop at "i love you." Quite frankly, that gets into our panties way faster.

-Gal

As My Heart Breaks

Enough For Everyone

I really feel like baking some time soon.

-Gal
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Hey Gal, you know how I know you're gay? See above.

HA! that's for calling my face challenged. You know how sensitive I am about it!

-Amy

Got Gin?

Don't pretend like you don't do this. We've all stood in front of a mirror at some point, practicing faces either for fun or because you want to know what other people see when you think you're looking wry. Me? I practice my faces whenever possible - passing by a window or mirror, waiting in lines, not listening to people speak... these are all valuable moments that we often take for granted as time wasted, when in fact, we could be improving our face-making skills. So try it! And if you're like me (challenged in the face making department) or like Amy (challenged in the face department xP just kidding) you might just find that all your hard work has paid off. Or you'll get killer face cramps. Until then, let's all drink gin and make wry faces =D

-Gal

I Charge By the Hour

I recall a comment Alice made previously saying she was afraid I'd make the caption for my brother's photo dirty. So, sorry Alice! I think other than this one, you won't see any more disturbing things where Jeffrey is involved (though I make no guarantees!)

Tonight, I was driving home from a frustrating visit to Shoprite (those self-check-out things make me absolutely insane) along Old Stage -- the usual route. I don't know, maybe it was the darkness, or the music, or the fact that I was pretty deeply immersed in some pointless thoughts about French bread, but I suddenly realized I couldn't identify where I was. It was so silly, because I had driven there about 1,000 times. So for the two seconds this feeling lasted, I was frantically wondering if an early case of Alsheimer's had set in. Anyway, recognition hit me shortly after -- still, it was just so surreal and disorienting and bizarre that I spent the rest of the ride home thinking about it. Had I experienced first-hand the sensation of being Lost In Thought? Was I just going fucking crazy? What a mystery. I guess the point I'm ultimately trying to come to is that it was kind of cool, this discovery of myself to be so detached from the world. However brief, it was a nice break from the chaos of this week.
-Amy

They Never Find My Clit

Table For Five

The Smile is Deceiving

They Ran the Stop Sign

no one ever wanted to elope with me =(

-Gal

Victory Was Mine

What Did You Name Yours?

I think we're ALL hoping neither Callum nor Elliott happens upon this website. And if they do, you'll know, because we'll be dead. In which case, enjoy our funerals and please remind these two ladies that it was all done in the name of art!
-Amy

They'll Get Theirs

I always thought it would be really cool to be immune to poison. Honestly, that was like, the coolest part of The Count of Monte Cristo. At least, I think it was in that book... it's actually been like, four years since we read it. Wow. Why does time pass quickly only retrospectively? Maybe for the same reason that trains feel like they're going faster when you're facing the back. I think I should turn around and let things slow down before we get to the next stop.

-Gal
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See, now you guys know why I always laugh at Gal's knock-knock jokes. I just don't like that almondy taste! But when she starts on the women jokes -- that's when it crosses the line. It's not even worth living then.
-Amy

Does Anyone?

I think these are questions that run through everyone's minds every once in a while. Admittedly, the second one seems silly in comparison, but no less important! Anyway, we probably just as often wonder about the other side of the situation -- that is, who we would miss. Today while babysitting my brother, I accidentally fell asleep on the couch as he played with his toys. I awoke an hour later to find that he had crawled up next to me and, still clutching his red Power Ranger, was snoring in the cute way that only little kids can pull off. You know -- typical Kodak moment. And I realized that time was running out; soon he'll have grown into a stage where being kissed by your big sister is totally mortifying. Sure, he won't be physically gone, but the part of him that's still okay with naptime will be. I know this is only natural, a sure sign that he's growing up, and we'll probably develop a different, more mature type of bond. All the same, I'll miss the little boy. Ah, maybe I'm getting too sentimental -- you're probably gagging at the mushyness of it all. And who knows, it's possible I'll just lose this feeling once Jeffrey wakes up and starts wreaking havoc again.

-Amy
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Hey Amy, you know how I know you're gay? You feel the need to express your emotions about growing up and loving your family. God, be a man.

-Gal

Peekabo!

Today I realized, being extremely tired and being drunk appear the same to onlookers. As I stumbled my way to the bathroom in our local bookstore after a real all-nighter, I wondered if nice Suburban moms were trying to distract their children from my shameful - or so it appeared - existence. You'd think the 1990's ponytail, geeky glasses, and massive bags under my eyes would've been more obvious, but I guess people see what they want to see. Maybe I just wanted to see judgmental suburbanites. Maybe we're too busy seeing what we think is around us, to actually notice if we're seeing anything at all. oooooh. I guess being extremely tired and being high also sound similar too.

-Gal

So Why Are You Upset

This seems like an appropriate time to mention that although we don't always follow the rules of society, Amy and I do not condone all behavior mentioned on this site. Although it may be fun to watch people sleep and do stuff to your roommate when she's not awake, you have to know your limits. So remember: inanimate objects can't file complaints against you.

-Gal

Like Being in Love

Hi all,

So this is the first of many (hopefully) posts. I'm not sure what to say about this...I guess it's a sort of experiment Gal and I started. Then we got a little crazy and ended up having way too much fun with it. "It" being a series of mostly non-related comic strips based on partly personal experience and partly our own insanity, inspired by A Softer World. Anyway, we'll be posting about one a day or so for a while...and meanwhile trying to come up with more. We don't yet know how successful this will be - it might all go down the drain once school starts. Until then, we'll be "slummin' it" (a special thanks to Gal for that amazing phrase)!

I hope you'll enjoy!
Amy
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Dear reader(s),

It's certainly interesting viewing one's creations on the interweb. Definitely surprised to see our project get this far, but I guess we had enough insanity bottled up in us to last a while. If we fade into oblivion, be sure to avoid withdrawal by visiting A Softer World. And once you realize how much better they are than us, we'll completely understand if you stop reading our junk. Until you figure that out, I hope you enjoy the qualities of our personalities that make normal human interaction impossible. Cause we certainly do!

-Gal